


This is our song

by mida_malek



Series: Sounds of our lives [2]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, F/M, M/M, Musical References, Talent Shows
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2018-08-14 12:13:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8013286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mida_malek/pseuds/mida_malek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has to face his past,his mistakes and his choices as he opens the door and let's the blue eyed, dark haired handsome man in his room...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Surprise!

**Author's Note:**

> Hallowell guys. It took me a long time but finally I'm here and the story shall go on... if you're new and don't already know, this is the second part of this series. So if you haven't read "A song for you" please do so you know whats going on.

 

Dean stared at the boy in front of him, feeling a mixture of dread and surprise go through his veins. 

Shit.

He never had thought Adam would actually come. Not when Michael is here too. 

Leave it to his luck to screw him over like this.

"Is this a bad time?" 

Adam asked after a few seconds of Dean just staring at him with wide shocked eyes. 

Dean cleared his throat, forcing out a smile.

"Uh...no...I mean...I have company but he's not a stranger..." Dean resisted the urge to look back at Michael. 

"Come on in..." He stepped away, letting the younger guy in. 

Adam looked good, Dean had to give him that. Black ripped tight jeans showing off his perfect ass, tight white T-shirt and a black leather jacket. 

It was sad how Dean couldn't figure out if Adam reminded him more of himself or Castiel. 

He turned, closing the door behind them and forcing out a smile.

"Michael, this is Adam. Adam, this is Michael, my friend and one of the best lawyers you can find in the country..." Dean introduced them, feeling like his fake smile would stretch his damn face for good at any second.

"Adam?" Michael asked as they shook hands, trying to locate where he'd seen that face before and Dean could pin the exact second he succeeded. 

"Adam Lambert?? Wait a minute, you're the guy from American Idol right?" 

Adam smiled politely, winking like the prince charming he was. "That's me!"

Michael turned to Dean. 

"You never told me you were expecting company Dean!" 

Dean chuckled uncomfortably. 

"Well...I wasn't... To be honest… I didn’t remember I’d told him he could come here..."

"I'm sorry, did I interrupt anything? You said I could come if I needed advice or something... That's why I...I didn't mean to bother you..." Adam started babbling after that. Dean shook his head, trying to keep his smile genuine.

"Its OK Adam...really...why don't u take a seat? U guys want anything to drink? I can order anything from the bar!" Adam looked up at that as they sat down. 

"You don't have anything here already?" Adam asked before suddenly looking really embarrassed at his stupid question.

Dean chuckled again.

"No…I don't drink alcohol..." He said and Adam's brows started disappearing under his dark bangs before he shook it off and turned to Michael. 

"I don't know... Would you like to drink anything? I don't wanna be the only one drinking here..." He said, trying to joke off his discomfort.

Michael chuckled.

"I know that feeling! Let's just get some beer to drink huh?"

"Yeah, sure...!" Adam jumped at the opportunity, as if that was the best idea he’d ever heard. 

Dean nodded once before he called the room service, ordering a few bottles of beer and some stupid juice for himself.

Damn those demons.

"So, what brings you here Adam?" Michael asked the boy, like it was his room the boy had invaded. 

"I...uh... Well I was struggling with a part of my performance, and I thought it'd be a good idea to come here and talk to the best, our mentor…” He looked at Dean with a shy smile.

Dean shrugged nonchalantly. He really didn’t believe he was the best option. Yes, he was really good but the best? Nah...

"OK, shoot. What is it?" Dean chipped in.

Adam looked at Dean, then at Michael, and then back to Dean, biting his lip. 

"Now? But you have..." 

"Company, yes, do u have a problem with that?" Dean asked, a dangerous tone to his voice. To be honest not even he knew why he was acting so strangely with this boy...maybe it was just his defense mechanism. 

“Actually, I just remembered I have to go see an apartment tonight. I’d totally forgotten about it…” Michael decided to save the poor boy, getting to his feet and reaching for his coat.

Dean almost jumped on his feet, paying no attention to Adam who looked like a very handsome tomato at this point.  

“Michael…”

“I mean it Dean… plus you two seem to be having a very long night ahead so I’m happy to bail.” He smiled, walking to the door, Dean following him.

“You didn’t have to do that…” Dean whispered once they’re by the door, apologetic and thankful.

“It’s ok… just make sure you pay me a visit before you leave town…” Michael winked and stepped out.

“Go get to your handsome guest…” He winked again and Dean was not blushing. No sir.

“Take care Michael…” Dean said, closing the door as the other man stepped inside the elevator.

‘This is really going to be a long night…’ he thought to himself as he stepped forward to where Adam was sitting, looking starstruck.

*             *             *             *

 

“Son of a …” Dean cursed loudly as the light blinded him as soon as he opened his eyes, feeling the headache attack his brain cells like a damn zombie.

It took him about one whole minute before he could gather his thoughts enough to remember what had happened last night. Fuzzy memories. Taste of alcohol in his mouth mixed with semen and the buzzing in his muscles told him what he needed to know and this time he cursed really loudly.


	2. I don’t even know his last name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after always sucks!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soooo terribly sorry for being so late guys!! I had a very hard semester and then I had my engagement party and just... Yeah sorry!! I'll try to be more on schedule from now on!!  
> Thank you so much for staying with me!

“Son of a bitch!” He said loudly, getting out of the bed and putting on the first pair of pants he found on the floor. Thankfully his own.

Ok. At least he’s not naked anymore.  He ran to the bathroom, hoping for a miracle as he closed the door behind him and stared in the mirror.

As he expected his eyes were red and his hands were shaking while he brushed his teeth and tried to make sense of what had happened last night.

He remembered Michael leaving. Then Adam had played him the part of the song he had had a problem with and Dean had helped him perfect his pitch; then, somehow, Dean had ended up singing and playing for the younger man.

Adam had asked about one specific song of his, The Memory and Dean had started talking and, oh god help him, drinking. He doesn’t remember how many bottles he had had, but he knew damn well nothing short of a whole pack would even affect him. Much less getting him so drunk that he would…

He remembers leaning into the kiss that Adam had started shyly and he cursed again, blocking the flood of memories. He really didn’t want to know the rest.

Pamela was SO going to kill him.

He jumped as Adam knocked on the bathroom door softly.

“Dean? Are you ok in there??” His worried voice came and Dean hated himself even more. What the hell was wrong with him? He knew better than to sleep with someone he couldn’t love, someone who wasn’t Castiel. He could already feel the bile of guilt trying to suffocate him.

“Dean?” Came again.

Dean took a deep breath, knowing he had to face this at some point and opened the door.

“Morning Adam…” He said, thanking all the gods above when his voice came out clear and steady.

Adam’s face immediately lit up, smiling wide open as he stepped forward to kiss Dean and it took Dean all his power not to punch the boy. He held Adam’s shoulders, keeping him away and trying not to look away from his eyes.

“We need to talk about last night Adam… I’m… this is my fault and I know that, but last night was a mistake. I… I’m sorry… I thought I could do this but I am not ready yet and…”

Adam stared at Dean, cocking his head to the side as if he was trying to figure out what language Dean was speaking. Damn the resemblance.

“Uh… What?” He finally said, frowning a bit and pulling away from Dean’s hold. Dean was faintly aware that Adam had dressed up already, fully clothed. He was fast.

“I’m sorry for all of this but I’m… I can’t be with anybody and I’m really sorry for leading you on and… what happened last night… If I could go back and take back what we did I would… I know very well sex is about love and I’m not one of those asshole superstars who’d take advantage of his fans and…” Dean was babbling and Adam looked more confused by the second.

“Wait, what? Sex? What are you talking… what do you think happened last night?”  He asked, realization starting to hit him.

“Oh my god Dean! You think we had sex?” He said, snorting loudly and breaking into laughter.

It was Dean’s turn to look confused. He “thought” nothing! He knew it! He could remember…

But now that he thought about it he really couldn’t remember much after that kiss.

Shit. Now this was embarrassing.

“We… didn’t?” He finally asked, not daring to look at Adam directly.

“NO! You think I go around sleeping with people?” Adam joked again before he sensed how horrified Dean looked and sighed.

“We kissed. That’s it… and then you threw up and told me how you’re not supposed to be drinking! I got really mad at you for drinking and then stayed and helped you out of your clothes and then you passed out and I stayed to make sure nothing happens to you… That’s all…” He said with a kind smile and Dean felt even worse now. He was such an idiot!

“Don’t get me wrong though! I would never say no to you! But last night it felt just wrong… You weren’t… it’d be taking advantage of YOU if anything had happened so…” He shrugged and Dean nodded once, sitting on the side of his bed, holding his face embarrassed.

“Oh God… I… I don’t know what to say…” He whispered and felt the bed dip beside him as Adam sat down.

“It’s ok… I understand…” he said, touching Dean’s shoulder soothingly.

“Why is it though? Why do you think you can’t be with anybody?” he asked and Dean went stiff again.

He owed it to the kid to at least tell him why, right?

“Uh… it’s a long story… I don’t think you’d wanna hear about my messed up life…”

“Is it because you’re still in love with that boy? The one you let go years ago?” Adam asked and Dean would swear his heart skipped a few beats. How’d he know?

“Wha… how do you know about that?” he asked before his brain could tell him to deny the whole story. God damn it Pamela was going to murder him.

“I studied your life for years Dean! Ever since you first stepped on the stage for your audition. You have always been my idol.” He smiled and Dean had to keep in his snort. An Idol? Dean? Sounded like the beginning of a bad joke.

“Yeah well… It’s not that I never tried, I just… it never really felt the same with anybody else… I always find myself aching for him, trying to find him in other people and at some point I realized that’s just not fair to anyone. Not me, not him and not the person I’d be dating so… I gave it up… and then I thought, I can give you a try and stop chasing pavements but now… I don’t think I can… it’s too soon… or maybe too late?”

“You can’t get back with him now?” Adam asked, his tone so warm it made Dean want to cry right there and spill out his guts.

“No… he’d never take me back again… not after what I pulled a few years ago…” Dean expected Adam to tell him how he was wrong and anyone would be lucky to have him but Adam just nodded, tightening his grip on Dean’s shoulder.

“My first boyfriend killed himself when I was 17… he was… he was the love of my life and I let him down and he left me and I know how it feels to mess up like that…” He said, almost a whisper that left Dean raw and torn inside. Shit. This was the pain he had recognized in Adam’s eyes the other day…

“I... I’m sorry to hear that…” he finally choked and Adam just smiled once, shrugging it off.

“It’s fine… I stopped blaming myself a long time ago when I decided to become a performer and tell his story… Truth is, he couldn’t take all the bullying and the pain of being out and in love with another guy. They got the best of him and he couldn’t… It was my fault for pushing him into being open about us but I can’t change the past, no matter how hard I try… What I can do is make up for it by being all I can be in this homophobic world…” It felt like Adam wasn’t even there anymore, like he was talking to himself in his head and Dean had this sudden urge to hold the younger boy, keep him safe from the cruel world that had shattered them both.

As if he had heard Dean’s thoughts he looked up with a tight smile.

“That’s a part of why I was enchanted by you… you came out and you were proud of it and everybody just had do accept it and… it was so refreshing to see someone else was trying… that someone else wasn’t afraid of being all he was…”

Dean wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. This poor boy had no idea who Dean was! He had no idea that being “out” had been in fact a drunken mistake. That although it had worked out for the best at the end of the day, it had been a long hellish process until he was sure he could still record with his label.

Instead of telling him everything and shattering his image of Dean though, Dean just nodded and sighed.

“I think you are very brave too Adam… I… I couldn’t have done it back then when I auditioned for the first time… I wanted to win too badly to risk my chances like that back then… But you started out being true to who you are and I’m so, so proud of you. You should know you will have just as much effect on this world as I did if not more…” He smiled gently. No need to poison his thoughts with Dean’s shit.

Adam nodded, smiling back.

“So about that kiss…” Adam started and Dean remembered with a sick feeling why they’d started talking in the first place.

“Adam… I… I can’t… it wouldn’t be right for any of us… I can’t start this knowing I will leave you with a broken heart. I…”

“Dean!” Adam interrupted him, too close to Dean’s face.

“I know the feeling ok? Trust me I know! But you can’t heal if you keep running away from it! You have to face the fact that what you had with him is done and nothing can quite do that for you like a new relationship. And I know the risks but I like you enough to want to take a chance with you…” he was staring into Dean’s eyes with those too blue eyes and god help him, Dean had no real reason to push this kid away.

Except for the feeling of “wrong” and “cheating” in his stomach.

So he ignored the feeling and let Adam gently kiss his lips, just a peck.

“I’m not gonna push you Dean… the way you acted the other day just made me think you really want me here and that is the only reason I came… You see me on Tuesday and you have till then to make up your mind. If you decide to give this a chance, we will work the rest out together…” he smiled standing up.

Dean just nodded once, suddenly feeling like the younger one and biting his lip.

 “I’m gonna go and give you some space… thank you for last night and the advices…” he smiled before he took his coat and walked away, leaving the room and letting the door close behind him.

Dean was so screwed. He needed to call Sammy.

 


	3. Does That Make Me Crazy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is ready to move on... at least he seems to be until...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY MUSES I AM SORRY FOR THE DELAY!  
> XD   
> I'm not gonna hold y'all for long.   
> I hope you enjoy!   
> Happy holidays to all my readers celebrating. <3 
> 
> Don't forget to leave me comments.

 April 7th, 2009

Dean was going crazy. He had dialed Castiel’s number about 40 times since last night, always hitting “end” before it even got a chance to ring on the other side. He wanted to talk to him, he _needed_ to talk to him, but he didn’t know what he was supposed to say. He had stayed all the day yesterday at his hotel room, thinking about Adam, what he had said and what he wanted.

Dean knew he wanted to do this, he really wanted to start fresh, have something again, and Adam seemed like the perfect person for him. But he couldn’t shake Cas’ thought from his head. Even though Cas was with Balthazar, had been for a long time now, Dean still felt like it would be cheating.

No.

He wasn’t going to let this happen again. If Castiel could move on, so could he.

                                                                                           

*                      *                      *

April 8th, 2009

Castiel was shuffling around on his TV, trying to find something to get his mind off the unstoppable trail of ‘Dean, Dean, Dean’ when he hit FOX and there he was. Dean. Great.

It took him a second to realize the show was American Idol live and that meant Dean was in LA and not here and well that helped him make sense of why Dean hasn’t called him. He probably didn’t know what had happened yet, how could he have when he wasn’t even in Kansas?

He watched as Ryan talked to Dean who was in the audience and smiled hopefully, seeing Dean looking fresh and happy. Maybe there was a chance for the two of them?

“Hey Ryan, I’m doing just fine thank you for having me!” His Dean said. Castiel felt like a teenager!

“SO, you met our contestants right? What did you think of them?”

“I have, yes. Well, they were all really good I think. I may have my favorites but honestly, they were all professionals and it was an amazing experience working with them.” Why hadn’t Castiel known about this? Why did he find it by chance? He was mad at himself and ignoring the voice in his head telling him he was being creepy and obsessive.

“And any final advice for our kids before they take the stage tonight?”

“Uh, well just remember to feel the music, put all you have into it and have fun. The rest is for America to decide so all you can really do is have fun.”

“Thank you Dean. Amazing advice. And with that, let’s start tonight’s performances and see what Danny has been working on.”

The camera was moved and Castiel couldn’t see Dean anymore so he sat back, relaxing a bit. He had no idea how stiff he had been. 

He watched as Dean talked to the guy in the video and he watched as he performed and then the others. It was cute how Dean would flirt with the cute guy, hug the girl who reminded even Cas of Charlie, and get really irritated by the rude woman. Castiel was having too much fun really. This was as real Dean could get to him at the moment and he enjoyed every second of it.

Until the last one came up. Adam Lambert. Castiel knew that look very well. He’d been on the receiving end of it a long time ago. And he was trying really hard not to hurl.

This Adam guy, whoever he was, was the reason Dean had gone on the show and was this happy.

Castiel felt his heart shatter into a thousand pieces again.

 

*                      *                      *

Dean smiled as the footage was shown on the screen, and then Adam stood up there, performing his song of the week, making Dean proud to have coached him for this one. He even laughed, despite his nerves, when Simon said he was shocked to find he liked what Adam did with the song, calling him a dark horse on the competition.

Dean had spent all yesterday making sure his answer wouldn’t change. And he was pleased with the results.

He was going to say yes to Adam.

He had only talked about it with Sam, not sure how others would react to the news.

‘ _There’s nothing to tell them yet!’_ The voice in his head reminded him. He shouldn’t be jumping into this so hard so fast. He needed to take his time with this.

Soon the show was over and he waved for Ryan as he mentioned his name in appreciation, smiling genuinely that he could soon talk to Adam.

 

*                      *                      *

Adam’s heart was beating fast. Faster than when he’d had to perform. He was getting his makeup removed as Dean waited for him, watching his face and really it was driving Adam nuts, not knowing what was about to happen. Dean had only shortly told him that he had made reservations for the two of them, and that they’d have to talk over dinner.

Adam really wanted to assume that meant good news, but that would just be very presumptuous of him. So instead, he willed his heart to slowdown, and thought about the show.

It didn’t take him long to get free, getting up and grabbing his coat, having changed into his usual ripped jeans and black shirt already. He bit his lip as he looked up at Dean, feeling his heart skip a bit at the gorgeous smile the man was sporting.

Adam was in such deep shit.

“Shall we?” Dean helped, taking a step towards him and Adam nodded, feeling like a teenager at the presence of his crush.

Dean turned to Tina, the makeup artist and winked at her.

“This won’t get out of here, right?”

Tina just nodded in response, smiling at him.

“It’s in our contract, sir.”

Dean chuckled, thanking her with a smile and took Adam’s hand.

“Let’s go then. The limo is waiting outside.”  

Adam was internally freaking out, holding onto Dean’s hand as they got in the limo and then out of it, none of them speaking a word until they were at the restaurant, somewhere Adam had never even dreamed of going.

He didn’t know why Dean was going so big about this.

“Dean… I don’t understand why we’re here. A small pizza place would have been good too you know. I’m not really dressed for this place…”

Dean stood by the door, eying the younger boy up and down before licking his lips and grinning widely.

“Don’t worry Adam, you’re dressed well enough, and I picked this place, because it was new for me, and Sam said we’d have privacy here. This is where he comes with Jessica on big occasions.” He opened the door for Adam to get in, making the boy blush a little.

“Alright Dean, I’m sure your brother knows what he’s doing.”

They were greeted by a nice young woman, who took their coats and brought them to their table, somewhere away from the other tables, and handing them their menus.

Dean could practically hear the gears work in Adam’s head, studying the boy and smirking when the waitress finally went away, giving them some privacy.

“So, what do you think?” He said, his smirk growing wider. Adam looked up from his menu, and Dean could see how hard he had been biting his bottom lip. He reached forward, pulling his lip free from the tight grip and he almost felt the shiver that sent down Adam’s back.

“You’ll hurt yourself if you keep doing that Adam.”

“Yeah…” Adam exhaled breathless, resisting the urge to bite his lip again.

“So… I still don’t know your answer Dean…” He finally got out, glad his voice wasn’t as shaky as his knees.

Dean smiled at him, holding Adam’s hand on the table and leaned in a bit closer.

“So, I thought about this long and hard, and it was not easy for me, I want you to know that.”

Adam nodded once.

“Taking everything into consideration, including how attracted I am to you, and how you know about my baggage, well, some it at least, I decided to go for it. My answer is yes, Adam.”

Adam just stared at him for a second, trying not to overreact to the news and leaned back in his seat, visibly relaxing.

“Oh thank god! I was going nuts!” he chuckled, looking Dean in the eyes.

“So… is this a date? Is this our first date?” He said excited, looking like a little boy getting his Christmas presents.

“Yeah Adam, this is our first date.”

Adam smiled, feeling happier than he had in years.

He wanted to let Dean know how happy it had made him when Dean’s phone started to ring and he nodded at Dean.

“Answer it. Might be important.”

Dean smiled, pulling out his phone and frowning when he saw Pam’s number. What did she want now? He pushed the green button and held the phone to his ear.

“Pam? What’s up? I’m kinda in a…”

“Dean!” He was interrupted by Pam’s worried voice. Wait, was she crying?

“Pam? What’s wrong? Are you crying?” Dean was faintly aware of Adam sitting up straight.

“Dean… It’s your house… There was an explosion and…”

Dean felt his heart beat go high.

“What?” He mostly whispered.

“Dean… You have to come back right now…”

Dean only then remembered that it was night time, and his show had been on, and that meant people were there at his place. Sam, Ben, Lisa, Jess…

His eyes were seeing black.

“Are they alive?” he managed to mumble, feeling a sharp pain spread from his heart to his left hand and he was faintly aware of what it meant but he didn’t care. He just wanted to know…

“Pamela are they alive?”

“Dean…” Pamela’s crying along with Adam calling his name were the last thing he heard before he fell from down and everything turned black.


End file.
